"the most impossible challenge"
While waiting for my cup of Lemon Ginger Yogi Tea to steep last week, I read this quote on the tag:
"Happiness comes when you overcome the most impossible challenge."
Since then I'm been pondering what that "most impossible challenge" is for me and more so HOW do I overcome the IMPOSSIBLE?! Sounds quite daunting! At first I quickly named several things that felt big and in control of me at times but had no clear idea how to deal with them except trial & error which has been feeling really slow & inefficient/ineffective but my Ego roared back, "Nothing is impossible for you! Don't be such a loser - keep fighting!" Now some may say that's a great motto but for me its the motto that tries to kill me and frequently throws me into some sort of sickness - physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually (and usually ALL of the above).
What I have slowly come to realize after a few more tantrums, breakdowns, and relapses is that I was observing myself and my experiences from a distorted perspective, a perspective that wasn't my truth and wasn't serving me but my Ego. So let's just say that Ego is "the most impossible challenge" and manifests in various forms for all of us (i.e. attachment, aversion, anger, delusion, etc.)
According to Webster, impossible means"incapable of being or of occurring; extremely undesirable, awkward or difficult to deal with" - also synonymous with hopeless, insoluble, unattainable, I think you get the picture. It CANNOT be done. So if I were to stop here I would indeed be hopeless, helpless, totally screwed.
So how does one "overcome the MOST impossible challenge"? Going back to my Ego's reaction or to what Rimpoche Nawang Gehlk of Good Life, Good Death calls "I, the most precious one," in his chapter about Ego & Compassion, there is a tendency to fight, resist, retaliate, or blame when someone or something threatens or challenges 'I, the most precious one.' Unfortunately, this behavior only serves to strengthen the ego and it's illusions thereby imprisoning us to greater suffering and hopelessness.
I found the following poem by Rumi several months ago and love it. It was not until a few nights ago that it decided to manifest in my dreams and become my guide for overcoming.
A few nights ago after I had a meltdown then a flash of sanity following, I went to sleep asking for further healing, forgiveness, and insight. That night I dreamt that a friend & I were being herded up and sorted out for a treatment/healing program with a lot of strangers. We didn't know anyone except each other and were talking in a corner away from the group hoping to be unnoticed when suddenly, we were grabbed from behind, shackled hands & feet and dragged apart to be placed into two separate programs. I realized that my friend symbolized my Ego - all my attachments, aversions, addictions, desires, etc., in other words "the most impossible challenge." I cried and surrendered to the separation while my Ego crumbled to the floor kicking and screaming in resistance. I yelled out, 'I love you!' behind a wall of tears, then immediately was in a new space away from my friend. A therapist (aka - guide) appeared to tell me he thought a mandatory/forced separation would be the best treatment (i.e. way to unbind me from my Ego's hooks). I was very angry and hostile about it but continued to follow his suggestions because for some reason, deep down, I trusted them & knew something had to change if I was ever going to be happy, content, free.
I'll stop there because the manner of that forced separation holds the key I believe. My Ego kicked, screamed, & RESISTED the separation, it transformed into the image of a young child throwing a tantrum because they weren't getting what they wanted. The Ego, "I, the most precious one," is only worried about itself, its preservation, NOT my welfare or what's in my best interest. I, my Self, on the other hand, surrendered to the shackling and separating with the words, "I love you!" - as if I knew deep down that underneath my challenges there is a pure love & compassion for all things, including myself, and that my Ego is just the fearful child in me who can only be freed by love. Often times, attachment, for example, gets mistaken for love. The way to know the difference is to observe how it feels when it's removed from you. And in the case of this dream, my reaction and words came from a deep searing and opening in my heart that acknowledged a love so deep and pure that I was willing to be separated from my friend/Ego so that all that would be left is the love - the True Friend. This willingness to surrender to the situation, to the wisdom and guidance of Higher Beings (or therapist/treatment staff in this case), revealed the way to "overcome the most impossible challenge" shown through my Ego and portrayed onto a friend who my Ego knew I would trust and want to stay connected to.
On our own, caught in the passenger seat, while our ego drives our thoughts, feelings, & behaviors and ruins any hope of happiness, it becomes impossible to break through the attachment, anger, impatience, or whatever may be our most impossible challenge. So once again we must face and surrender to the seemingly impossible by welcoming it as Rumi does into "The Guest House" of our hearts.
"Happiness comes when you overcome the most impossible challenge."
Since then I'm been pondering what that "most impossible challenge" is for me and more so HOW do I overcome the IMPOSSIBLE?! Sounds quite daunting! At first I quickly named several things that felt big and in control of me at times but had no clear idea how to deal with them except trial & error which has been feeling really slow & inefficient/ineffective but my Ego roared back, "Nothing is impossible for you! Don't be such a loser - keep fighting!" Now some may say that's a great motto but for me its the motto that tries to kill me and frequently throws me into some sort of sickness - physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually (and usually ALL of the above).
What I have slowly come to realize after a few more tantrums, breakdowns, and relapses is that I was observing myself and my experiences from a distorted perspective, a perspective that wasn't my truth and wasn't serving me but my Ego. So let's just say that Ego is "the most impossible challenge" and manifests in various forms for all of us (i.e. attachment, aversion, anger, delusion, etc.)
According to Webster, impossible means"incapable of being or of occurring; extremely undesirable, awkward or difficult to deal with" - also synonymous with hopeless, insoluble, unattainable, I think you get the picture. It CANNOT be done. So if I were to stop here I would indeed be hopeless, helpless, totally screwed.
So how does one "overcome the MOST impossible challenge"? Going back to my Ego's reaction or to what Rimpoche Nawang Gehlk of Good Life, Good Death calls "I, the most precious one," in his chapter about Ego & Compassion, there is a tendency to fight, resist, retaliate, or blame when someone or something threatens or challenges 'I, the most precious one.' Unfortunately, this behavior only serves to strengthen the ego and it's illusions thereby imprisoning us to greater suffering and hopelessness.
I found the following poem by Rumi several months ago and love it. It was not until a few nights ago that it decided to manifest in my dreams and become my guide for overcoming.
"The Root of the Root of Your Self"
Don't go away, come near.
Don't be faithless, be faithful.
Find the antidote in the venom.
Come to the root of the root of yourself.
Molded of clay, yet kneaded
from the substance of certainty,
a guard at the Treasury of Holy Light --
come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
Once you get hold of selflessness,
You'll be dragged from your ego
and freed from many traps.
Come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
You are born from the children of God's creation,
but you have fixed your sight too low.
How can you be happy?
Come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
You were born from a ray of God's majesty
and have the blessings of a good star.
Why suffer at the hands of things that don't exist?
Come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
You are a ruby embedded in granite.
How long will you pretend it's not true?
We can see it in your eyes.
Come to the root of the root of your Self.
You came here from the presence of that fine Friend,
a little drunk, but gentle, stealing our hearts
with that look so full of fire; so,
come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
Our master and host, Shamsi Tabrizi,
has put the eternal cup before you.
Glory be to God, what a rare wine!
So come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
Don't go away, come near.
Don't be faithless, be faithful.
Find the antidote in the venom.
Come to the root of the root of yourself.
Molded of clay, yet kneaded
from the substance of certainty,
a guard at the Treasury of Holy Light --
come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
Once you get hold of selflessness,
You'll be dragged from your ego
and freed from many traps.
Come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
You are born from the children of God's creation,
but you have fixed your sight too low.
How can you be happy?
Come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
You were born from a ray of God's majesty
and have the blessings of a good star.
Why suffer at the hands of things that don't exist?
Come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
You are a ruby embedded in granite.
How long will you pretend it's not true?
We can see it in your eyes.
Come to the root of the root of your Self.
You came here from the presence of that fine Friend,
a little drunk, but gentle, stealing our hearts
with that look so full of fire; so,
come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
Our master and host, Shamsi Tabrizi,
has put the eternal cup before you.
Glory be to God, what a rare wine!
So come, return to the root of the root of your Self.
- Rumi
A few nights ago after I had a meltdown then a flash of sanity following, I went to sleep asking for further healing, forgiveness, and insight. That night I dreamt that a friend & I were being herded up and sorted out for a treatment/healing program with a lot of strangers. We didn't know anyone except each other and were talking in a corner away from the group hoping to be unnoticed when suddenly, we were grabbed from behind, shackled hands & feet and dragged apart to be placed into two separate programs. I realized that my friend symbolized my Ego - all my attachments, aversions, addictions, desires, etc., in other words "the most impossible challenge." I cried and surrendered to the separation while my Ego crumbled to the floor kicking and screaming in resistance. I yelled out, 'I love you!' behind a wall of tears, then immediately was in a new space away from my friend. A therapist (aka - guide) appeared to tell me he thought a mandatory/forced separation would be the best treatment (i.e. way to unbind me from my Ego's hooks). I was very angry and hostile about it but continued to follow his suggestions because for some reason, deep down, I trusted them & knew something had to change if I was ever going to be happy, content, free.
I'll stop there because the manner of that forced separation holds the key I believe. My Ego kicked, screamed, & RESISTED the separation, it transformed into the image of a young child throwing a tantrum because they weren't getting what they wanted. The Ego, "I, the most precious one," is only worried about itself, its preservation, NOT my welfare or what's in my best interest. I, my Self, on the other hand, surrendered to the shackling and separating with the words, "I love you!" - as if I knew deep down that underneath my challenges there is a pure love & compassion for all things, including myself, and that my Ego is just the fearful child in me who can only be freed by love. Often times, attachment, for example, gets mistaken for love. The way to know the difference is to observe how it feels when it's removed from you. And in the case of this dream, my reaction and words came from a deep searing and opening in my heart that acknowledged a love so deep and pure that I was willing to be separated from my friend/Ego so that all that would be left is the love - the True Friend. This willingness to surrender to the situation, to the wisdom and guidance of Higher Beings (or therapist/treatment staff in this case), revealed the way to "overcome the most impossible challenge" shown through my Ego and portrayed onto a friend who my Ego knew I would trust and want to stay connected to.
On our own, caught in the passenger seat, while our ego drives our thoughts, feelings, & behaviors and ruins any hope of happiness, it becomes impossible to break through the attachment, anger, impatience, or whatever may be our most impossible challenge. So once again we must face and surrender to the seemingly impossible by welcoming it as Rumi does into "The Guest House" of our hearts.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ Rumi ~
We overcome not through resistance and effort but through surrender to the flow, witnessing your Self and your Ego, and looking out for guidance from your teachers in all their disguises. Once you do that, then you can truly see "the root of the root of yourself" and how to gently navigate the seas of your life so that eventually, one day, you arrive on the shore of your Heart, your Home, your Happiness. May your truth never be blind to you for too long and may your heart always shine brighter than the confusion of the world that stirs your ego. Namaste.
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