Silence...sorta

It feels like I’ve been on the epitome of silent retreats minus the few words I might ask a vendor or shop keeper about a price during the day and one brief conversation with a friend at night.  Of course there is an endless conversation going on in my mind ALL DAY LONG, but its not always entertaining and by the end of the day is just a muddle mess of syllables none of which stand out.  So am I really in silence considering the lack of silence in the mind?  It definitely creates a lot more internal energy than when we are constantly interacting with the outside world.  By the end of my days here in belize I am desperate to talk to someone besides myself and if no one is available at length then I either write more or turn on some music and sing with it or let it sing to me.  Amazing the lengths we will go to for connection.  No wonder that Tom Hanks befriended a volleyball in Castaway.  It’s obvious we need and want connection, however we can get it. I for one definitely talk to things that don’t talk back when I have this kind of spacious silence and alone time; plants, animals, inanimate objects, food, pictures.  Everything has energy and is of God so I guess it can communicate in some way, otherwise I probably wouldn’t waste my time.  I always enjoy myself.  Like today, it decided to rain several times, none of which I was prepared for especially the third one that totally soaked me and the outside of my bag but on my final stretch of road home, I started laughing hysterically and imagining what the villagers thought about the soaked tourist trotting along in the rain.  It was even more hysterical because I had hoped to get in the water but had abandoned my plans when the sky got dark and sent it’s second stronger rain shower.  It was a nice joke between me and the Universe that I got my wish but not in the way I expected. Shocking! It’s a constant reminder that I can expect all I want but in the end the Universe has its plans and I am merely a participant/experiencer. 

When life is quieter on the outside or I simply speak/interact less with others, then I am more able to perceive and experience the fullness of the world inside and around me. I get so full of my own experience that I crave the companionship of others and the world in which I live.  I have opportunity to interact and do things especially here but also I have very little motivation to do them alone.  It feels like alone time, silence is so rare that I must savor it because in less than two days I won’t be alone in this place anymore.  It’s hard not to want and wish for that companionship now but obviously if I wanted interaction I could find it at the Split where Lobster Fest is taking place, but I have no desire.  So instead I sit and watch and write and wait for the next momentous experience to take my breath away or send me into uncontrollable laughter or dialogue with a creature who can’t talk except through nonsensical sound. 

So how do you spend your quiet time or do you even know what that is?  To be forced to slow down and stop is an amazing gift although hard to come by for most. We either deny ourselves that time with a myriad of excuses or we directly avoid it like the plague because either we are totally uncomfortable or don’t see the point (which probably just means we are totally uncomfortable with the idea J).  What would it be like to give yourself just one hour of solitude?  Nothing to do but sit and watch and wait and observe all the things you’ve missed over a lifetime devoted to busyness – so called ‘productivity.’ See how productive one hour in observation meditation can be and how restorative it can be for your creative Soul.

Om Shanti. Om Peace.