Honesty & Truth



Truth - Honesty.  Is it always the best policy?  This brings to mind Step 9 in 12-step programs: Make amends wherever possible, EXCEPT when to do so would injure them or others.

The premise behind this step is that we are trying to express our apologies and how we hope to act more mindfully next time.  It’s NOT about easing our mind or lightening our load…at the expense of another.  Granted no one is totally responsible for how another feels or reacts, but it doesn’t mean we empty our garbage into our neighbor’s lawn because it’s stinking up our lawn or we no longer like “owning it.”

Consider this Sufi saying that offers this wisdom around speaking mindfully:

Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?

If you use that as a guide before opening your mouth or writing that email, then you may find yourself more speechless than usual.  But then again how often are the words that come from us and the actions following them the causes or breeders of discontent and disharmony?  To be more mindful of not only thoughts & feelings but also words & actions. 

Consider that your truth is not necessarily The ONE Truth as truth changes just like the seasons and what you want for dinner.  And not everyone needs to know your truth because it may threaten them in an unhealthy way and cause them or you greater harm.  Hold your truth close to your heart, watching how it shifts and changes with each moment you are present.  Remember that your truth is yours and there is no need to make it be someone else’s truth.  Respect your truth and others will come to respect You. 

A wise friend of mine has always told me, “What they do, think, feel, want, etc. is none of your business.”  And she’s right.  This easily ties into the article on To Commit or Not to Commit regarding how we each have individual paths and are never truly “owned” by another so therefore have no true responsibility or need to “tell or explain” our every move to them.  In regards to truth & honesty, it follows the same premise in that it’s not my business what is true or honest for you unless you choose to share it with me.  And any effort on my part to tease or demand it out of you is controlling, manipulative and out of desperation to maybe feel connected or wanted or important somehow.  Why can’t we just let others be themselves?  More importantly, why won’t we simply allow otherselves to be who we are?  Probably because most people are afraid to look deeply within, afraid of what they might find or NOT find.  In the book Cirlce of Stones it speaks about a womans experience with depression and how socially it’s unacceptable, yet in truth (or writer’s truth & mine), it’s not until we descend into the depths of the seeming darkness that we find the light of our truth.  There must be a dying of old ways for the True Self to shine forth.  Every heard of the “dark night of the Soul” – powerful experience of transformation that reminds me very much of the transformation of the mythical Phoenix.

Have you ever spoke then regretted it? or chose not to speak and regretted that too? Say more about that.  Because although we must be conscious of our words & actions we must also be conscious of the power and strength we gain from expressing our truth in healthy safe ways to the appropriate people.

We have all sorts of groups and identifications that are based on a Truth as identified by that group as their foundation.  If you find yourself in a place where ‘their’ truth is no longer ‘your’ truth then challenge and questions and concerns rise because when one challenges the belief then it shakes the roots of that dogma, doctrine or belief  and gives others permission to question as well.  But is not all belief and doctrine limited in some way by its inherent lack of change since we live in a world and existence that is centered around change?  Just a thought.  Ram Dass speaks about our addiction basically to ways of being and doing especially in spiritual techniques and beliefs – of how we have to “buy-in” to the dogma and the technique in order to comprehend it and see how and if it fits.  But once we bought it then we are once again attached to it and bound to be disappointed or disillusioned at some point.  Feels like a no win situation, right?  It is but it’s not.  It’s only through continually experiences of attaching then suffering because of it do we ever learn how to detach and the beautiful freedom and growth we receive as a result.

I’ll leave you with one more quote from Swami Kripalu, who was the guru of the main teacher at Kripalu Center for Health when it was still an ashram.  He offered the following about silence as he himself held a vow of silence for almost 20 years:

“Before you speak, ask yourself if what you want to say is an improvement to silence”.

What would it be like to hold silent presence for yourself & others for 24 hours?
What might you discover about yourself and your world?




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